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Please put more jokes here

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    Hold it firmly in your hand, put it in your mouth, lick it, straighten it and put it in the hole.

    It’s time to sew the labels in the kids shirts again
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Saw a post from a friend on Facebook the other day. "just finished a half marathon, so proud of myself".

      That's nothing special, I had a king size Mars bar the other day.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        My wife told me I need to get in touch with my feminine side.

        So I stopped talking to her for 3 days and whenever she asked me what was wrong I said "nothing it doesnt matter" and then I went out and crashed the car
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Most women are "bi".

          The trick is to work out if that ends with "Sexual", or "Polar" before you ask them out.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            This week is "International Clitoris Awareness Week."

            Like most men, I was unaware this week even existed...
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a light bulb?

              Despite what Big Bulb tells you, humans can see perfectly well without "light".

              Or...

              None. I'll rely on my natural bioluminescence.
              Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

              Comment


                My wife has just had a huge dildo delivered in a plain brown envelope.

                I’ve called it her “Thriller in Manila”
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  The very short dwarf knocked on my door about the position I advertised and asked what I wanted him to do.
                  "Stand by my piano and keep time," I said,

                  "My instructor said I need to get a metre gnome."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Santa Claus was asked if he wants to be buried when he dies.

                    No , he said , he'd sooner go up the chimney.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      The sign said, "No shirt, no shoes, no service."

                      So I stopped going to church in swimwear.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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