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Please put more jokes here

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    One for Zeity

    I've just found out that my local all-you-can-eat restaurant has got mice.

    I've had about 7 but I'm getting full now.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      One for the benchies

      I'm a bit like Bob Geldof when it comes to Mondays.

      Smelly,lonely and unemployed.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Women think men don't look for inner beauty.


        We do.That's why we've got a penis.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My girlfriend was in a good mood, and told me that she was willing to fulfill one of my deeper sexual fantasies. I told her that I wanted to try anal.

          She was taken aback.

          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            one for suity

            I was just setting up my new DJ decks when my wife walked in. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked.

            "Setting up my new decks," I replied.

            "Not in ******* here you're not," she said, kicking off. "This is the kids' bedroom."

            "Can I put them in the shed then?" I asked.

            "Of course you can, you daft sod," she replied. "You don't even have to ask."

            "Great!" I replied, before shouting down the stairs, "Kids, you're sleeping in the shed from now on."
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I've just got home from a week in Florence.

              Zebedee wasn't too happy about it.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I've just been fired from my retail job

                I don't know what I'm more upset about: the fact I've been given the sack or the fact they charged me 5p for it
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  For MF, the moobs probably confused them!

                  I saw a woman wearing a sash that said, "Miss America."

                  I walked up to her and said, "You should go back there then."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I was sat on the priority seat on the bus when a fat pregnant woman approached and started tutting at me. I immediately jumped up and offered her my place adding "Congratulations"

                    "Thank you" she smiled. "I'm very excited"

                    "No" I replied. "I'm impressed you found someone that'd **** you".
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Originally posted by vetran View Post
                      My girlfriend was in a good mood, and told me that she was willing to fulfill one of my deeper sexual fantasies. I told her that I wanted to try anal.

                      She was taken aback.

                      I thought she was going to ask which sized strap-on you preferred.

                      Comment

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