Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

After performing an ultrasound scan, the doctor tells the expecting mother:

"I have some good news, and I have some bad news."

"The good news is that your child will never have a problem finding a parking spot."

[vetran]

and one for Zeity :

Apparently they're building a new 'Super Prison' in North Wales.

It's where all the baaad people will go.

[vetran]

As Headmaster of a Catholic primary school, the first thing I have to do in the morning is read the register.

In case any of my teachers have been put on it overnight.

[vetran]

After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me.

She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

"Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts.

[vetran]

After last night's game between England and Scotland, 10,000 beer cans were left in Trafalgar Square by Scottish football fans.

Both of them have been arrested.

[vetran]

How do you get a gypsy to take a bath?

Leave it in your front garden

[vetran]

I don't envy the person who will have the job of Courtroom Artist at Rolf Harris' trial. Talk about pressure.

[vetran]

I like to brag to people how my son handles financial transactions for a multi-billion pound corporation.

It's easier than explaining I raised a muppet who cashiers at McDonald's.

[vetran]

There's a film about Supergirl going to be made. The advertising strapline for it will go

"Is it a bird?"

"Yep"

[vetran]

Women have absolutely no idea how to chat up us guys.

As if "**** off you loser" was going to get me into bed.