Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

"You're the cutest, most gorgeous woman I've ever seen..."

"You just want to F*** me."

"...and you're pretty clever too."

[vetran]

"I have a dream", Martin Luther King Jr, 28 Aug 1963

"I have a drone", Barack Hussein Obama, 28 Aug 2013


Bit of politics!

[vetran]

I've just learned that tantric sex is where you have sex without moving.

I've never tried it myself, but my wife does it all the time.

[vetran]

Made love to the wife last night just like they do in the movies.


I was fast, she was furious.

[vetran]

It must have been awkward for Joseph when Mary cried out, "Oh Jesus!" during sex.

[vetran]

I drove my car into a river and watched it turn into a mobile phone.

One minute, a Kia.

Next minute, Nokia.

[vetran]

I finally managed to give my wife multiple orgasms, but the bitch still isn't happy.

Apparently it doesn't count if there's five years between the first and second one.

[vetran]

I hate those people in this country that can't even be bothered to learn our language.

Chavs.

[vetran]

I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me.

I get it. No need to gloat that they make more money than me.

[vetran]

The UK government have agreed to pay over £1 billion to help the Nigerian government join the space race.

To get the money, the Nigerians have to send £20,000 to cover legal fees...