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Please put more jokes here

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    "You're the cutest, most gorgeous woman I've ever seen..."

    "You just want to F*** me."

    "...and you're pretty clever too."
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      "I have a dream", Martin Luther King Jr, 28 Aug 1963

      "I have a drone", Barack Hussein Obama, 28 Aug 2013


      Bit of politics!
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I've just learned that tantric sex is where you have sex without moving.

        I've never tried it myself, but my wife does it all the time.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Made love to the wife last night just like they do in the movies.


          I was fast, she was furious.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            It must have been awkward for Joseph when Mary cried out, "Oh Jesus!" during sex.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I drove my car into a river and watched it turn into a mobile phone.

              One minute, a Kia.

              Next minute, Nokia.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I finally managed to give my wife multiple orgasms, but the bitch still isn't happy.

                Apparently it doesn't count if there's five years between the first and second one.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I hate those people in this country that can't even be bothered to learn our language.

                  Chavs.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me.

                    I get it. No need to gloat that they make more money than me.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      The UK government have agreed to pay over £1 billion to help the Nigerian government join the space race.

                      To get the money, the Nigerians have to send £20,000 to cover legal fees...
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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