Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home. She replied yes with a big smile.


The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

[vetran]

I unbelievably just got a message from my computer's spellcheck saying they detected an "increasing frequency in my writing errors" and offered me some general suggestions for improvement.


I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but the first thing they advised is that I unsubscribe from the Guardian

[vetran]

If Donald Trump is impeached, does that mean he will no longer be orange?

[vetran]

Why whenever I hear the phrase 'deep fake porn' do I immediately think of Katie Price?

[vetran]

Frank Lampards wife Christine has announced she is pregnant.
John Terry is said to be excited at the prospect of becoming a Dad again

[vetran]

During the 80's the Palestinian leader tried really hard for peas in the middle east.


Don't you mean peace?


No, he was Yasser Marrowfat

[vetran]

"Teen climate activist Greta Thunberg featured on postage stamp".


Can't wait until she finds out that international mail is delivered by planes.

[vetran]

too true

Me: "This show is boring."


Boss: "Once again Dave, this is a Zoom conference."

[vetran]

What can you say during sex that you can also say at an insurrection?


"Wait, let's film ourselves doing this..."

[vetran]

My mate works for the council putting up Cul-De-Sac signs around my town.




It's a dead end job.