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Please put more jokes here

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    I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home. She replied yes with a big smile.


    The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I unbelievably just got a message from my computer's spellcheck saying they detected an "increasing frequency in my writing errors" and offered me some general suggestions for improvement.


      I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but the first thing they advised is that I unsubscribe from the Guardian
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        If Donald Trump is impeached, does that mean he will no longer be orange?
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Why whenever I hear the phrase 'deep fake porn' do I immediately think of Katie Price?
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Frank Lampards wife Christine has announced she is pregnant.
            John Terry is said to be excited at the prospect of becoming a Dad again
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              During the 80's the Palestinian leader tried really hard for peas in the middle east.


              Don't you mean peace?


              No, he was Yasser Marrowfat
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                "Teen climate activist Greta Thunberg featured on postage stamp".


                Can't wait until she finds out that international mail is delivered by planes.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  too true

                  Me: "This show is boring."


                  Boss: "Once again Dave, this is a Zoom conference."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    What can you say during sex that you can also say at an insurrection?


                    "Wait, let's film ourselves doing this..."
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      My mate works for the council putting up Cul-De-Sac signs around my town.




                      It's a dead end job.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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