Please put more jokes here

[LondonManc]

Scottish Conservative MPs have warned that Scotland could become a third world country if it achieves independence. I'm not sure it could improve to that level myself.

[vetran]

The inventor of the crossword puzzle lives near me. He's three streets across and two down.

[vetran]

Yo momma’s so fat, she got baptized at Sea World.
Yo mama so dumb, she thought THE EXORCIST was a workout video.
Yo momma is so fat she sat on the rainbow and Skittles came out.
Yo mama so fat Mount Everest tried to climb her.
Your momma’s so ugly, when she goes into a strip club, they pay her to keep her clothes on.
Your mama so dumb she tried to climb mountain dew.
Yo momma’s so fat, that when she went to the zoo, the hippos got jealous.

[vetran]

Yo mama so old her birth certificate says “expired”.
Yo momma is so poor she created a gmail account just so she can eat the spam.

[vetran]

Yo mama so dumb she went to the dentist to get her Bluetooth fixed.

[vetran]

What’s a four-letter word that ends in “k” and means the same as intercourse?





Talk.

[SimonMac]

My grandparents were named Pearl and Dean

But we called them grandma and grandpapapapapapapapapapapaa...

[vetran]

Teachers in England have announced their Plan B
Have 5 months furlough
Have 6 week summer holiday
Have 14 days isolation
Have 6 months full pay sick leave (stress)
Come back for teacher training day.

[vetran]

I’m tired of Democrats saying they need immigrants to do the things ordinary Americans won’t.






Like what; voting Democrat?

[vetran]

I said to the barman, "See that fat bird in the corner? Give her my phone number will you?"
"What?" he said. "Why for ****'s sake?"



"Because I've just started up a burger van business."