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Please put more jokes here

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    Love those new Russian cookies.


    Novichokchip
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Bought a hardcore video off a bloke in the pub last night.


      Waste of ******* money.... just lots of blokes filling in a hole with rubble.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards has agreed to be a judge on my new TV show, featuring the wondrous abilities of birds of prey up snowy mountains.


        Britain's Got Talons.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          It’s a little known fact that Yorkshire folk have a new way of talking drugs.


          It’s known as E by gum.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            The mother-in-law comes for a surprise visit. The son-in-law opens the door:
            "Hi! Long time no see! How long are you staying this time?"
            The mother-in-law smiles, trying to be polite:
            "Until you get tired of me."
            "Really? You’re not even staying for a coffee?"
            I did a stroll around Windsor on 2 Oct for Alzheimer's Society. You can chuck me a few quid here if you like: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/lmallen-1

            Comment


              A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!”
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, “Woof woof!” The cop thinks it’s a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, “Meow meow!” The cop believes it’s a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, “Potato potato!”
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Why did the blonde pee on the ground?
                  Because she saw a sign that said ‘Wet Floor.’
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
                    She moved.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Just wondering if you've thought of applying to the BBC?
                      Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

                      Comment

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