Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

With the news about Prince Charles and Boris Johnson coming up positive for Covid 19, today Prince Harry submitted himself to a test.
He didn't want to, until his aide reassured him that "We're just swabbing for the corona virus, not your DNA."

[vetran]

Eek! Due to a lack of soft toilet paper , I am now self-izalating.

[vetran]

The definition of irony: Getting a sixty quid fine for being outside 'unnecessarily' from the copper who told you they hadn't the manpower to investigate, when you were burgled 6 weeks ago.

[vetran]

During this virus lockdown I'm bored, so I decided to hold a wet t-shirt contest.



Looking at them hanging on the line, I've decided I like my red one the best.

[vetran]

Thank you Pandemic.

I can keep a packet of baby wipes next to the computer and nobody suspects a thing

[vetran]

Well I've done my bit but I doubt I'll get thanks for it ..

I gave nan's carer the clap at 8 pm tonight.

[vetran]

With all the Covid-19 problems around the world my wife broke down in tears today.I said “come one love - what’s up”“I’m homesick” she replied“But this is your home” I said“I know” she said, “I’m ******* sick of it”

[vetran]

More unexpected bonuses have come from the coronavirus pandemic-now nobody give a flying **** what's happening on love island!

[GhostofTarbera]

The good thing about coronavirus is that we won’t have every old person telling us about how they survived it


Sent from my iPhone using Contractor UK Forum

[vetran]

I was trying to figure out why I was so grumpy.
Then I realized, I'm stuck in a house with a newborn, a toddler and a postnatal wife.
And my Scotch is running low.