I asked the wife if she was in the mood,"Which particular ******* mood are you referring to?" she snapped at me.I guess that was no then.
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Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. -
90% of being married is shouting “WHAT?” from other rooms.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Interviewer: Why did you leave your last post? Me: I came back from holidays, and all my passwords had expired.
It was easier to resign than reset them.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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For National Poetry Day:
I dig
You dig
We dig
He digs
She digs
They dig
It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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For National Poetry Day
There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped on line twoComment
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I saw a builders van today.
it had 'Mutually Assured Construction' on the side.
made Me chuckleComment
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"The cat scratched my groin when he saw that woman from Strictly"
"Claudia Winkleman?"
"No, man, but it was close"…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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The waitress noticed me struggling to open the mini cornflakes packet in the breakfast buffet.
"Just slide your finger between the flaps", she suggested.
It finished badly. My face still stings and I'm banned from that hotel now.Comment
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"Have you ever seen £20 all crumpled up"...? The woman asked her husband...
"No"... Said her husband...
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned her blouse and slowly reached down into her bra and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.
He took the crumpled £20 note from her and smiled approvingly...
"Have you ever seen £50 all crumpled up"...? She then asked her husband.
"No .. No, I haven't" ... He said (with an anxious tone in his voice)...
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer knickers... and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note. He took the crumpled £50 note and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now" ...She said. "Have you ever seen £10,000 all crumpled up"...?
"No, never" ... He said (while obviously becoming even more excited)...
"Well, go and look in the garage!"...she saidComment
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Tip of the day: Remember to disconnect your phone from the Bluetooth speaker when you sneak upstairs to watch porn after the family Sunday dinner.…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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