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Please put more jokes here

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    My Grandad gave me some sound advice when he was on his deathbed.

    He said "it's worth investing in some decent speakers".
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      My mate just told me he needs major surgery: he's having half his intestine removed.
      (excuse my grammar that should be a semi-colon)
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.

        I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I came home from shopping today to find my wife and her two fat mates eating doritos on the couch, I mumbled under my breath "fat ******* cows" she said "what did you just say?!" I replied "you herd"
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            For SueEllen

            How can anybody belong to a religion where some of its adherents believe in beheading people? Why can't they belong to something nice like the Church of England, founded by our very own Henry the Eigh.....oh tulip.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Three women go out for a meal
              One is engaged, one is a mistress, and one have been married for 20+ years.

              They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. They agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
              Here's how it all went:

              The engaged friend:
              The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
              He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

              The mistress:
              Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

              Then the married woman shared her story:
              When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said...

              "What's for dinner, Batman
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I used a phone box to make a call today for the first time in years.

                It was raining and I wanted to keep my mobile dry.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I was in the pub playing snooker when some bloke asked, "What's the hardest thing about playing snooker?"I replied, "Trying to convince the wife that the dog wants to take a cue with him on his walk."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Please put more jokes here

                    Originally posted by vetran View Post
                    Three women go out for a meal
                    One is engaged, one is a mistress, and one have been married for 20+ years.

                    They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. They agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
                    Here's how it all went:

                    The engaged friend:
                    The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
                    He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

                    The mistress:
                    Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

                    Then the married woman shared her story:
                    When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said...

                    "What's for dinner, BrilloPad"
                    FTFY
                    Originally posted by Stevie Wonder Boy
                    I can't see any way to do it can you please advise?

                    I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.

                    Comment


                      [Cottage in the woods]
                      Daddy Bear:"Somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"
                      Mummy Bear:"Nice try. Who's hair is this, you bastard?"
                      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                      Comment

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