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Please put more jokes here

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    #5301
    When we first got married, we only had a 14" portable TV. Years down the line, we finally upgraded. "In a lot of ways" I said to the wife, "This new TV is a lot like you."

    "All shiny and new?" She giggled.


    "No" I laughed. "Bigger and I don't want to watch when you've nothing on."
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment

      #5302
      one for NF

      I have just landed a job in an Insomniacs Advice Centre.

      We are open from 9 til 5 , weeknights.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment

        #5303
        My wife is so ugly, that when she cooks she makes the onions cry.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment

          #5304
          My blonde wife went down to the local supermarket,
          She said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it,"
          The manager replied, "Those are pickled onions miss."
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment

            #5305
            Elton John hospitalised by potentially deadly infection.

            Don't worry Saturday night it'll be alright.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment

              #5306
              What's the difference between Elton John and Hillary Clinton?
              He's still standing; she's still lying.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment

                #5307
                RECREATE the joy of having a teenage son by moving an orang-utan into your house & teaching it to play ‘Call of Duty’.
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                Comment

                  #5308
                  My boss keeps trying to say "You are a real asset" but he runs out of breath before the last syllable.
                  “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                  Comment

                    #5309
                    My wife just missed her train this morning... Bloody tied her to the wrong track...
                    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                    Comment

                      #5310
                      Apparently "everyone" thinks I'm a nerd.
                      Bet they didn't even use a statistically significant sample group, weighted for demographic bias.

                      HTH BISDI

                      sasguru
                      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                      Comment

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