Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

An old lady went to the dentist. She sat in the chair, lowered her bloomers and raised her legs.

The dentist said, "Excuse me Madam I'm not a gynaecologist."

"I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out.”

[vetran]

AssSnob's new job

Bumped into an old friend,what you doing now? I asked.
"Pharmacist" he said.
Wow I never thought you'd have the brains for that!
What,mucking-out stables and feeding pigs,piece of piss really.

[vetran]

If you think dogs can't count,

Put 3 biscuits in your pocket then give him only 2.

[vetran]

I spent half an hour licking the wife's pussy last night.

She screamed 'put that ******* cat down you pervert, it can clean itself'

[vetran]

After I had yet another penis enlargement, my wife left me:

"I just can't take it any longer" she cried.

[vetran]

I've just found out I've got 2 weeks to live.

The wife's going away for a fortnight.

[vetran]

How to figure out what kind of bear is following you:
If you run .... And you run, and you get into a tree, and the bear climbs the tree, it's a black bear.
If you run ... and run, and you get into a tree, and the bear shakes the tree, it's a brown bear.
If you run ... and run ... and run, you can not find a tree, it is a polar bear.

[vetran]

I discovered my girlfriend was robbing me blind, so I kicked her out. That was six months ago, and it's been nothing but happy days ever since.

She took all my other box sets.

[vetran]

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink.
He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once but I didn't like it."
So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"
But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once but I didn't like it."
The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once but I didn't like it.
As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son."
The bartender said, "I'm guessing he's an only child

[vetran]

Some people are like a software update .

When I see them I think " Not now " .