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Please put more jokes here

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    I was over in Iraq visiting my friend Ali and noticed that his wife now walked ten yards ahead of him instead of ten yards behind him. Remarking on this, I suggested to Ali that women's rights had come a long way since Saddam's departure for women to now be walking ahead of men. Ali shrugged, smiled and said, "Women's rights? Ah, no my friend, it's Tony Blair's f***ing land mines."
    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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      Nicola Sturgeon is touring Perthshire in the First Minister's chauffeur driven car.

      Suddenly a cow jumps out into the road. They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
      Nicola in her usual jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur : " You get out and check - you were driving."

      The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead. " You were driving, go and tell the farmer," says Nicola, I can't afford to be blamed for anything.
      The chauffeur walks up the drive to the farmhouse and returns five hours later totally plastered, his hair ruffled and with a big grin on his face.

      "My God, what happened to you ?" asks Nicola.

      The chauffeur replies : " When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap up meal and the daughter made love to me."

      "What on earth did you say?" asks Nicola.
      I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them, I'm Nicola Sturgeon's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow."
      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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        What does a scouser get his son for his birthday?
        Your son's bike.
        The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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          What's the difference between Tony Blair and a mosquito?

          One's a life-sucking parasite responsible for the death of thousands. The other is a tropical insect.
          The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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            If a paranoid schizophrenic threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
            The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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              Piers Morgan was found dead in a doorway last night with 78 bullet wounds. Police described it as the worst case of suicide they'd ever seen.
              The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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                Psychiatrists have traced the first identified case of bipolar disorder to the Grand Old Duke of York. When he was up, he was up.....
                The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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                  Recently I’ve been attending meetings of Eavesdroppers Anonymous – not that they know.
                  The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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                    As a child I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day. Lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
                    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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                      Why couldn't the Frenchman count to ten? He had a huit allergy.
                      The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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