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Please put more jokes here

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    The missus has been missing a week now. Police said to
    prepare for the worst.
    So I have been down to the charity shop to get all of her clothes
    back.
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

    Comment


      My wife says she is an island off the Cornish coast. I keep telling her not to be so scilly.



      Yuu can thank radio 1 for that "joke"....

      Comment


        Leftover nuts and bolts from IKEA flat-packs
        makes great confetti for RoboCop's wedding
        “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

        Comment


          I've invented a new game, it's called "Quiet Tennis"
          It's pretty much the same as normal tennis, but without the racket.
          “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

          Comment


            My missus dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled, "You're being charged with being good in bed..."
            After two minutes she said she was dropping the charge due to lack of evidence!!
            “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

            Comment


              My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner...
              So I took the battery out of the smoke detector!
              “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

              Comment


                I've decided to stop posting sexist jokes because women find them too complicated.


                & run
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub.

                  So I've started smoking.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
                    The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
                    The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
                    The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I have CDO...

                      It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order... as they should be.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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