Please put more jokes here

[shaunbhoy]

Theresa May appoints Jose Mourinho as a new Brexit adviser after demonstrating it’s possible to exit Europe at a cost of only £300m.

[shaunbhoy]

One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.

We don’t have Oleg to stand on.

[shaunbhoy]

A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver
Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took
It to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos...... It keeps hot things hot,
And cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she
Bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things
Cold,' she replied..

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied..... ...'Two ice lollies and some coffee.'

[shaunbhoy]

The Englishmans wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', he demanded.
'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says,
'For the sake of decency, here's a £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear..'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a £10. Go and buy yourself some underwear"!

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
‘Hoots mon, Aggie! Where the friggin hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'

[WTFH]

You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn

[shaunbhoy]

My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.

He said “It’s worth spending money on good speakers.”

[shaunbhoy]

To get over my obsession with Dusty Springfield, I threw away all of the books, records and other memorabilia I had.

Now I just don't know what to do with my shelf............!!!

[shaunbhoy]

What is it with Teachers?

They complain that kids lead sedentary lives and don't get enough exercise, then they complain when they run in the corridors!

[WTFH]

If someone asks you to spell "part A" backwards, don't do it.

It's A Trap.

[shaunbhoy]

What’s the difference between a fox and a hound ?

About ten pints.