Please put more jokes here

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for the laydeez

The wizard of oz is the ultimate chick flick, two women trying to kill each other over a pair of shoes.

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I heard dolphins and humans are the only two animals that have sex for fun.

Since hearing this, I have been banned from Sea World.

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Can we all just stop telling women to get back in the kitchen?

There's laundry to be done, too.

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Women say magazines demean them and portray an unrealistic image of beauty therefore making ordinary females feel inadequate.













Then they buy 12 inch dildos.....

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My dad has a weird hobby, he collects lots of empty cans and bottles.
That sounds so much better than ‘alcoholic’.

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My daughter has just got her degree in ballet.

She got a 2:2

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My missus said that she has an upset stomach. It's probably depressed because it's so fat I replied.

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Gastroenteritis hits World Athletics Championships

All the sprinters have the runs

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I was asked to leave the swimming pool the other day because I had an embarrassingly large bulge in my swimming trunks.
In protest I said "That guy over there has a large bulge in his trunks, but he's not being thrown out, why"?
"Quite simple" replied the pool attendant, "He hasn't tulip himself"

[vetran]

For our Divorcees

"Tesco to stop selling 5p plastic bags in favour of 10p 'bags for life'"
I can't recommend it. I had a bag for life, and when I divorced her, she took me to the cleaners.