Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

Whooosshhh

Thats the sound of ironing going over a mod's head.

Ironing doesn't go over my head.

[vetran]

For NLyUK

I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.

I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.

[vetran]

A man was sitting next to a woman who was trying to breast-feed her child. The child however refuses to suck on the breast.
Being frustrated, the mother threatens the child, "If you don't suck on, I will give it to the man next to us!" The child still refuses to oblige. After about 10 minutes of failed effort to get her child to breastfeed, the woman threatens her child again.
Finally the man clears his throat and says, "Can you make your ******* mind up !!" " I was supposed to get off 6 stops ago!"

[vetran]

too true

Vince Cable believes Donald Trump's state visit should be cancelled because his racism might embarrass the Queen.

For ****'s sake, she's married to the Duke of Edinburgh!

[vetran]

My missus disappeared suddenly three weeks ago, the Police have been round today and told me to prepare myself for the worst.

So I've had to go back to the Charity shop and buy all her clothes back.

[vetran]

RYANAIR: Stop your pilots going on strike by charging them £10 for the ballot paper.

[vetran]

For Brillo

An extremely fugly bloke came up to me with two kids, I said "Are they twins"?
he replied "No, one's five and the other's seven, why, do you think they are alike"?
I said "No, I just can't believe that you were shagged twice"

[vetran]

I'm a second hand vegetarian.

Cows eat grass.
I eat cows

[shaunbhoy]

LIVEN up your local library by hiding all the books on anger management.

[vetran]

Went into the barbers today and said...
"I'd like my hair cut like Tom Cruise"
He picked me up under my arms and sat me on a cushion.