Elton John's party trick is to name all the English counties in alphabetical order. Surrey seems to be the hardest word.
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“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain” -
"Reach for the Stars" sang S Club 7 but let me tell you if you lunge at one of them on a red carpet their security goes nuts.
Bloody liars.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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I keep missing my ex wife. Though my aim is improving.Comment
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My girlfriend decided to wear a Rangers top to gauge the public reaction.
Today is her first day and she's been sworn at, spat at, punched, kicked up the backside and received death threats.
God knows how bad it will get when she eventually leaves the house.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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Boss: The works transit's been scratched. It may have been John, your cat.
Me: John clawed van? Damn!
Boss: Less likely, but I'm not ruling anyone out.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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I was telling my doctor earlier how my tennis elbow was really hurting.
She said "how many years have you had it for?"
I said "15 Love"“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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Prince Charles just saw the headline “Monarch ceases trading” and got very excited.…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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Leigh-on-Sea, help boost tourism by re-branding as Leyoncé…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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two glasweigans passing a bakers shop.
one looks in the window and says 'jimmy! - is that a cake or a meringue?'
jimmy says 'naw, yer right! - it's a cake'Comment
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The missus caught me looking at naughty films on the computer, and said if she ever caught me again she'd ram my head into the keyboard.
I think she's gone to bed so I should be safehuyvvjjgvfgjkjnbvcvbkuhgrdvnkuhnm,Oitedvbuynmi hn,outrcbjkkuhjjiutbniiuikoijmkkiuyfvbnkuyhnmjutrf vhuyhn....“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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