• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
    Whooosshhh

    Thats the sound of ironing going over a mod's head.
    Ironing doesn't go over my head.
    …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

    Comment


      For NLyUK

      I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.

      I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        A man was sitting next to a woman who was trying to breast-feed her child. The child however refuses to suck on the breast.
        Being frustrated, the mother threatens the child, "If you don't suck on, I will give it to the man next to us!" The child still refuses to oblige. After about 10 minutes of failed effort to get her child to breastfeed, the woman threatens her child again.
        Finally the man clears his throat and says, "Can you make your ******* mind up !!" " I was supposed to get off 6 stops ago!"
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          too true

          Vince Cable believes Donald Trump's state visit should be cancelled because his racism might embarrass the Queen.

          For ****'s sake, she's married to the Duke of Edinburgh!
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            My missus disappeared suddenly three weeks ago, the Police have been round today and told me to prepare myself for the worst.

            So I've had to go back to the Charity shop and buy all her clothes back.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              RYANAIR: Stop your pilots going on strike by charging them £10 for the ballot paper.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                For Brillo

                An extremely fugly bloke came up to me with two kids, I said "Are they twins"?
                he replied "No, one's five and the other's seven, why, do you think they are alike"?
                I said "No, I just can't believe that you were shagged twice"
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  I'm a second hand vegetarian.

                  Cows eat grass.
                  I eat cows
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    LIVEN up your local library by hiding all the books on anger management.
                    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                    Comment


                      Went into the barbers today and said...
                      "I'd like my hair cut like Tom Cruise"
                      He picked me up under my arms and sat me on a cushion.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X