Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

What did the Cannibal do after he ate his girlfriend?
He Dumped her!

[vetran]

We now live in an age where it's more important to delete history, than it is to make it.

[vetran]

All men marry nymphomaniacs.

Then after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.

[vetran]

I went into sports direct on Tuesday and asks for some condoms and KY jelly.

"We are a sports shop." said the assistant.

On Wednesday I asked for a dual action 12 inch black dildo, on Thursday, some anal beads and a gimp mask, on Friday some love eggs and a whip. Always with the same reply.

Saturday as I walked in the assistant took me to one side and said "mate you keep coming in and it's getting embarrassing you know we are a sports shop, what the **** do you really want?"

I summoned up all my courage took a deep breath and said "can I have a Liverpool home shirt please."

[vetran]

When you think about it life is all about perspective.

I mean the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

[vetran]

for the Bremainers

I'm emotionally constipated.

I haven't given a tulip in days.

[WTFH]

BrilloPad was telling me that in the last week he has started writing poetry.

After 6 days he's only got the R and Y left to do.

[shaunbhoy]

I saw a dyslexic Yorkshireman the other day.
He was wearing a cat flap.

[shaunbhoy]

Dog 1: Help me with this crossword clue. Outer covering of a tree. 4 letters.
Dog 2: woof?
Dog 1: You're not even trying!

[WTFH]

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

He said "thank you"

I said "don't mention it"