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  1. #5671

    I live on CUK

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    What did the Cannibal do after he ate his girlfriend?
    He Dumped her!
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  2. #5672

    I live on CUK

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    We now live in an age where it's more important to delete history, than it is to make it.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  3. #5673

    I live on CUK

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    All men marry nymphomaniacs.

    Then after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  4. #5674

    I live on CUK

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    I went into sports direct on Tuesday and asks for some condoms and KY jelly.

    "We are a sports shop." said the assistant.

    On Wednesday I asked for a dual action 12 inch black dildo, on Thursday, some anal beads and a gimp mask, on Friday some love eggs and a whip. Always with the same reply.

    Saturday as I walked in the assistant took me to one side and said "mate you keep coming in and it's getting embarrassing you know we are a sports shop, what the **** do you really want?"

    I summoned up all my courage took a deep breath and said "can I have a Liverpool home shirt please."
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  5. #5675

    I live on CUK

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    When you think about it life is all about perspective.

    I mean the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  6. #5676

    I live on CUK

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    Default for the Bremainers

    I'm emotionally constipated.

    I haven't given a tulip in days.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

  7. #5677

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    BrilloPad was telling me that in the last week he has started writing poetry.

    After 6 days he's only got the R and Y left to do.
    Strong and Stable Moderation

  8. #5678

    Suffers Fools...Badly!

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    I saw a dyslexic Yorkshireman the other day.
    He was wearing a cat flap.
    “Silence is Golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just plain suspicious"

  9. #5679

    Suffers Fools...Badly!

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    Dog 1: Help me with this crossword clue. Outer covering of a tree. 4 letters.
    Dog 2: woof?
    Dog 1: You're not even trying!
    “Silence is Golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just plain suspicious"

  10. #5680

    Prof Cunning @ Oxford Uni

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    I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

    He said "thank you"

    I said "don't mention it"
    Strong and Stable Moderation

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