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Please put more jokes here

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    Please put more jokes here

    Publicity shy Jeremy Clarkson was rushed to hospital at the weekend. For his sake I hope Richard Hammond wasn't driving.
    {emotionless greeting}

    Three Word Slogan

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      Simply Red singer Mick Hucknall was found earlier today by Merseyside police having sex with a rabbit in a field! A spokesperson from the Merseyside force said when they found him he was holding back the ears shouting "Bunnies too tight to mention"
      'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

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        Dear George,

        On behalf of Channel 4 Television, may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show, also the charming photograph of her you enclosed.

        Whilst agreeing that she would make a worthy contribution to the programme if she is selected, I would like to point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt".

        Kind regards

        Channel 4.
        {emotionless greeting}

        Three Word Slogan

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          I'm the sort of person who calls a spade a spade. I also call a door a shoe though, and that's why I never got a second interview for B&Q.
          “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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            So there I was, sat on my sofa naked.
            I had a Tyrannosaurus glove puppet on one hand, and a triceratops glove puppet the other.
            On the table I had a big tub of lube and plenty of tissues.

            How stupid did I feel when I put the DVD on and realized it was called WALKING with Dinosaurs.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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              For our Divorcees

              Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’ll wish you had a ******* club and a spade.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                What's the difference between a tramp and an MP?

                One sits about on a bench all day, usually falling asleep, enjoys long liquid lunches and contributes nothing to society.

                The other's a tramp.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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                  I sat there with a smile on my face as my girlfriend wrapped her hand around it and started to tug at it. An even bigger smile when she gave it a little wiggle and started moving it around. I couldn't contain myself when she started using two hands, so I eventually laughed and said
                  "Here love, I'll change gear for you."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I was stood on a bridge having a piss and this black bloke stands next to me and starts pissing too.

                    'The waters ******* cold.' I said to him.

                    'Yeh, ' He replied, 'It's deep too.'
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I thought my vasectomy would stop my wife getting pregnant
                      Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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