Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

Please put more jokes here

Publicity shy Jeremy Clarkson was rushed to hospital at the weekend. For his sake I hope Richard Hammond wasn't driving.

[northernladuk]

Simply Red singer Mick Hucknall was found earlier today by Merseyside police having sex with a rabbit in a field! A spokesperson from the Merseyside force said when they found him he was holding back the ears shouting "Bunnies too tight to mention"

[WTFH]

Dear George,

On behalf of Channel 4 Television, may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show, also the charming photograph of her you enclosed.

Whilst agreeing that she would make a worthy contribution to the programme if she is selected, I would like to point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt".

Kind regards

Channel 4.

[shaunbhoy]

I'm the sort of person who calls a spade a spade. I also call a door a shoe though, and that's why I never got a second interview for B&Q.

[vetran]

So there I was, sat on my sofa naked.
I had a Tyrannosaurus glove puppet on one hand, and a triceratops glove puppet the other.
On the table I had a big tub of lube and plenty of tissues.

How stupid did I feel when I put the DVD on and realized it was called WALKING with Dinosaurs.

[vetran]

For our Divorcees

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’ll wish you had a ******* club and a spade.

[vetran]

What's the difference between a tramp and an MP?

One sits about on a bench all day, usually falling asleep, enjoys long liquid lunches and contributes nothing to society.

The other's a tramp.

[vetran]

I sat there with a smile on my face as my girlfriend wrapped her hand around it and started to tug at it. An even bigger smile when she gave it a little wiggle and started moving it around. I couldn't contain myself when she started using two hands, so I eventually laughed and said
"Here love, I'll change gear for you."

[vetran]

I was stood on a bridge having a piss and this black bloke stands next to me and starts pissing too.

'The waters ******* cold.' I said to him.

'Yeh, ' He replied, 'It's deep too.'

[vetran]

I thought my vasectomy would stop my wife getting pregnant
Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby.