Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut these days. But then again, few people cut their own hair...

[shaunbhoy]

I just got asked the time by an Argos delivery driver...
So I told the bastard it was between 8am and 1pm!

[shaunbhoy]

I've asked my wife to polish my medieval battle uniform while I went out to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.

[shaunbhoy]

My wife was in labour when the nurse said it was time to push. She gave it everything she had until a fart that, from both sound and stench, had obviously followed through. She was horrified.
"Don't worry," I said, patting her head. "I've heard this kind of thing is perfectly natural during birth - isn't that right, nurse?"
"Yes," said the nurse, gagging, "but it's usually the mother, not the father."

[SimonMac]

I got pulled over by a female police officer. When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said...

"NOTHING"

[shaunbhoy]

I saw a van with a "No tools left in this van overnight" sticker on the back.
So I broke in during the day.

[shaunbhoy]

So it turns out when women say "what is WRONG with you??" it's more a rhetorical thing than an actual request for a PowerPoint presentation.

[shaunbhoy]

I was in a taxi today and the driver said "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do."
Then I said "Turn left".

[shaunbhoy]

TRAINEE DOCTORS. Why not become a dentist instead by simply finishing your studies after the bit about teeth?

[shaunbhoy]

My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party,
So I made her and all her friends clean the house.