Please put more jokes here

[LondonManc]

"I like my women like my red wine."
"What, a full-bodied cheeky number?"
"No, 18 years old and kept in the cellar"

[northernladuk]

"I like my women like my red wine."
"What, a full-bodied cheeky number?"
"No, 18 years old and kept in the cellar"

I'm going to hell for laughing at this aren't I? . This could be why I failed Women's Studies. I was highly surprised when I did cause bitches love me.

[greenlake]

“Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free.”
(Linus Torvalds)

[vetran]

Pancake day is for tossers

[vetran]

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?


Donald Trump doesn't pay $1000 to have a lentil on his face.

[vetran]

I have a Pancake Day joke, but it's crepe.

[vetran]

Who's the sexiest person at the abbattoir?

The Stunner

[vetran]

I went up to a fat bird in the pub last night
I said " Wow, you're a big lass aren't you"?
She said "Tell me me something I don't know"
"Ok" I said "Salad is good for you"

[vetran]

one for AssGuru

My penis is only 3 inches long, but it smells like a foot.

[LondonManc]

They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The car was nowhere in the parking lot. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice."Are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped YOU off!"

Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your bloody car!"