Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

This one is Huuuuuge. You'll laugh bigly at it...

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

People are saying, I mean some people are saying that maybe Donald Trump has maybe never had a garbanzo bean on his face.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?


Donald Trump doesn't pay $1000 to have a lentil on his face.

It deserved to be retold!

[shaunbhoy]

FOOL people into thinking you’re tulip at tossing pancakes by wearing a chamois leather on your head all day.

[shaunbhoy]

RECREATE Pancake Day by simply setting off the smoke alarm every 15 seconds, whilst the kids sit crying with hunger.

[vetran]

Just met a bloke in a car park who says he can start any car no problem.I think he is a crank.

[vetran]

I've just had a letter from my bank saying my balance is outstanding,
"I thought what a nice gesture I've never been complimented on it before"

[vetran]

I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke.” Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.
Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?
Me: “hingono”
Homeless man: “So hingono, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have”
Me: “two?”
Homeless man: “Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?”
Me: “two?”
Homeless man: “Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?”
Me: “two?”
Homeless man: “Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?"
Me: “I don’t know? A lot?”
Homeless man: “Well hingono, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy.”

[vetran]

For Milan

Wife asked me 'what you looking at on the computer?'...I said 'I'm looking for some cheap flights'...She got really excited, which is unusual, as i didn't think she liked darts.

[LondonManc]

Accordion to scientific research, 90% of people do not realise that I replaced the beginning of the sentence with an instrument.

[vetran]

Nowadays at my age, sex with my girlfriend always leaves me breathless.

Well, she does take a lot of blowing up.

[vetran]

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just sit there bitching about how dark it is.