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…Maybe we ain’t that young anymore -
FOOL people into thinking you’re tulip at tossing pancakes by wearing a chamois leather on your head all day.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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RECREATE Pancake Day by simply setting off the smoke alarm every 15 seconds, whilst the kids sit crying with hunger.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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Just met a bloke in a car park who says he can start any car no problem.I think he is a crank.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I've just had a letter from my bank saying my balance is outstanding,
"I thought what a nice gesture I've never been complimented on it before"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke.” Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.
Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?
Me: “hingono”
Homeless man: “So hingono, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have”
Me: “two?”
Homeless man: “Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?”
Me: “two?”
Homeless man: “Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?”
Me: “two?”
Homeless man: “Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?"
Me: “I don’t know? A lot?”
Homeless man: “Well hingono, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy.”Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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For Milan
Wife asked me 'what you looking at on the computer?'...I said 'I'm looking for some cheap flights'...She got really excited, which is unusual, as i didn't think she liked darts.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Accordion to scientific research, 90% of people do not realise that I replaced the beginning of the sentence with an instrument.The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't existComment
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Nowadays at my age, sex with my girlfriend always leaves me breathless.
Well, she does take a lot of blowing up.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just sit there bitching about how dark it is.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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