I was walking down the street when I saw four Liverpool fans playing football with a kitten. I was about to phone the RSPCA but the kitten dribbled past two of them and scored.
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Please put more jokes here
Collapse
X
Collapse
-
-
It was easy money playing poker with a bunch of origami enthusiasts.
They just kept folding."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
What is the smallest organ in a goat?
An Isis member's dick"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
I want to leave this world like I came into it.
In a 19 year old pussy."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
My patient asked nervously, "Have you ever circumcised an adult befo-?"
"Nope," I replied, cutting him off short."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
I got my Valium and Viagra mixed up though other day,
I fell asleep whilst trying to Tup the missus"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
A Rabbi was asked to leave his position due to the onset of Parkinson's Disease.
When I say "asked to leave", he got the sack.The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't existComment
-
An image of Jesus appeared in a tub of margarine in my fridge,
so I went and showed it to by Buddhist neighbor.
He looked at it and said, "I can't believe it's not Buddha.""If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
One for Brillo
Pumping away furiously and desperate to unload I whispered to my wife, "Tell me when I've made you come."
"Twice in 1997 and once in 2006." she replied."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
too true
If you lose your wife when shopping , don't spend ages looking for her , just stare at a young bird with big tits and she will magically appear beside you staring at you ."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- How much does the HMRC Loan Charge cost contractors, in tax terms? Yesterday 09:17
- HMRC adds three AML schemes to its tax avoidance blacklist Yesterday 09:06
- Chancellor Jeremy Hunt's new growth plan leaves IT contractors flat, or in disbelief Jan 30 09:56
- How does IR35 insurance for contractors work, in practice? Jan 27 18:49
- Already know you'll miss Tuesday's tax deadline? Proceed at your peril Jan 26 09:50
- Can I expense via my limited company a Smartwatch bought for me at Christmas? Jan 26 09:47
- 'Laggard' contractors urged to file now as Jan 31st tax deadline looms Jan 25 10:31
- Contractors' Questions: Where do limited company directors struggle with self-assessment tax returns? Jan 25 09:46
- Taxman tries to tackle ex-rugby union ace Stuart Barnes on IR35, but fails Jan 24 10:38
- Where foul play crept into HMRC's IR35 attack on ex-rugby union star Stuart Barnes Jan 24 09:49
Comment