Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

After shagging kylie minogue yesterday, I think there are 3 things you should know ? First her fanny is tight as ****, a real struggle to get in to, secondly she takes it over her face without any complaint & thirdly the staff at Madame Tussauds are miserable ****ers with no sense of humour at all

[vetran]

Attention all Americans

Election and Erection not only sound similar but have a similar meaning.


A prick rising to power

[vetran]

My best friend is a Spanish fireman.
He has two sons,
José and Hose B.

[vetran]

I came home from work to find the wife sitting down with her legs wide open.
"Do you have knickers on?". I asked her.
"No" she winked.
"Thank **** for that. I thought we had a massive rip in the new couch"

[vetran]

My mate told me that he'd wrapped his cock in the Beano and had a wank into it.

He always been interested in Comic Relief.

[vetran]

A woman goes to see her Grandmother to comfort her after the sudden death of her husband.
"What happened"? she asked
"Your Grandfather died suddenly whilst we were having sex last Sunday morning" the Granny replied
"Well, I'm astonished and surprised that you still had a sex life, you being 88 and Grandad being 92"! said the woman
"Well it's not that simple, we realised that our age and limitations could cause us problems, but we found that we could make love every Sunday morning to the gentle rhythm of the church bells ringing, in on the ding and out on the dong" said Granny.
"Well I suppose Grandfather died a happy man then"? asked the woman.
"Sod that" said Granny, "If that ******* ice cream van hadn't gone past, he would have still been alive now"!

[vetran]

I walked past a woman and her young son outside a newsagents today and noticed the boy was crying.
"I really want chocolate buttons!" He said.
"I'm sorry dear, but I don't have any money on me" she replied.
I said, "I'll get some"
"Are you sure?" She said smiling,
"Yes of course," I replied, "I haven't had chocolate buttons in years, it'll be a great treat for me."

[shaunbhoy]

Prepare yourself for a trip to A&E by sleeping in a tesco shopping trolley for 12 hours.

[shaunbhoy]

ROMANCE TIP: Make sex more romantic by lowering the brightness on your phone whenever you stop to check facebook.

[shaunbhoy]

Vincent Price is taller than Katie Price! But heavier than Alan Price. As I found out on a Price comparison website