Please put more jokes here

[LondonManc]

A man hobbles into the doctor and the doctor asks the problem.
"Well," he says, "I got raped by an elephant," and proceeds to expose the 8-inch gap where his rectum used to be.
"Good heavens," says the doctor. "This is most peculiar. From my understanding, this shouldn't happen. While two-foot long, the elephant's penis is only 3 inches wide."
"I know," sighed the patient, "but he fingered me first."

[vetran]

You think you are unique until you have to choose a " user name. "

[vetran]

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

[vetran]

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.

[vetran]

The 21st century: Deleting history is often more important than making it.

[LondonManc]

If Hillary had used talktalk's email servers, she'd be President now.

[Bee]

Yesterday I was watching a movie and I said.

"Oh no, who killed the dead was the policeman."

[vetran]

I’ve no home, I haven’t got control, I can’t see any escape. Way past the time I got a new keyboard.

[vetran]

Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space?
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To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"
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"What is the problem?"
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"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"

[vetran]

For our Divorcees

A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring and say good bye to your house.