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Please put more jokes here

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    for AtW

    Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
    -
    So their nuts don't get wet!
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      For MF

      A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.

      “That won’t help you, Joe, you know?”

      “Oh it helps a lot,” says the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        What's brown and sticky? A stick

        What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff
        The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

        Comment


          A terrorist attack has blown away two local houses, one made of straw and the other made of wood.
          Police think that its probably a lone wolf.
          “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

          Comment


            A penguin goes into a bar and says...has my brother been in?

            Barman says...What does he look like????
            “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

            Comment


              Job interview in a psychiatry practice:

              So you’re interested in working with us. What is your experience with mentally disturbed people?
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              I’ve been on CUK for 5 years now.
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              Very good, the job is yours.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                When questioned, 8 out of 10 women said that they would recommend Pantene shampoo. The other two screamed and asked me to get out of their bathrooms.
                The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                Comment


                  Talking to a girl in the pub the other night.
                  "Apparently," I said, "making a girl laugh is the second best way of getting a girl to sleep with you."
                  "Ooh, what's the best?" she asked.
                  "Holding a knife to her throat while she signs the consent form," I said.
                  "Haha, you're so funny," she replied.
                  "That's a good choice, get your coat," I said.
                  The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                  Comment


                    A bloke is rescued from a building fire and is admitted to hospital.
                    He says to the doctor "I have been here now for two weeks and all I'm getting is Haggis,Tatties and Neeps for every meal.
                    The Doctor says "What do you expect, this is the Burns unit"!
                    Better today I think.

                    Comment


                      HELP police return lost house keys by attaching a keyring with details of your address and the times you're usually at home.
                      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                      Comment

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