Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

[WTFH]

I got an odd-job man in.

He was useless.

Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven.

[WTFH]

My wife told me: “Sex is better on holiday.”


That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.

[BrilloPad]

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

[vetran]

My wife told me: “Sex is better on holiday.”


That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.

It was addressed to Brillo?

[BrilloPad]

It was addressed to Brillo?

Not me. If me there would have been several. From my ex-wives.....

[WTFH]

"Oh dear, he's missed the blue after avoiding brown and dropped the green." I said.

"I didn't know snooker was on, I thought it was over till May" replied my wife.

"It is," I answered, "I'm watching the council bin man."

[WTFH]

I went to see my doctor the other day, I said "That hemorrhoid cream you prescribed me, I applied it the other day as you directed and I got a very bad reaction to it"
He asked "Where exactly did you apply it"?
I replied "When I was going home on the bus"

[WTFH]

Christmas is over, but Valentine's Day is just around the corner, so I asked The Wife (tm) what she wanted.

Her reply was "Something with diamonds in it"

I just hope they arrive in time:
Estimated between Mon. 29 Jan. and Tue. 13 Mar.

[BrilloPad]

I went to see my doctor the other day, I said "That hemorrhoid cream you prescribed me, I applied it the other day as you directed and I got a very bad reaction to it"
He asked "Where exactly did you apply it"?
I replied "When I was going home on the bus"

A man went to the doctor and was prescribed suppositories. He didn't know what they were so swallowed them.

A week later he was still not better. The doctor asked him if he had taken the pills.

"I swallowed them evety day. For all the good they did me I might as well have shoved them up my 4rse".