• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    "I like my women like my red wine."
    "What, a full-bodied cheeky number?"
    "No, 18 years old and kept in the cellar"
    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

    Comment


      Originally posted by LondonManc View Post
      "I like my women like my red wine."
      "What, a full-bodied cheeky number?"
      "No, 18 years old and kept in the cellar"
      I'm going to hell for laughing at this aren't I? . This could be why I failed Women's Studies. I was highly surprised when I did cause bitches love me.
      'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

      Comment


        Originally posted by vetran View Post
        “Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free.”
        (Linus Torvalds)

        Comment


          Pancake day is for tossers
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?


            Donald Trump doesn't pay $1000 to have a lentil on his face.
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              I have a Pancake Day joke, but it's crepe.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

              Comment


                Who's the sexiest person at the abbattoir?

                The Stunner
                Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                Comment


                  I went up to a fat bird in the pub last night
                  I said " Wow, you're a big lass aren't you"?
                  She said "Tell me me something I don't know"
                  "Ok" I said "Salad is good for you"
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    one for AssGuru

                    My penis is only 3 inches long, but it smells like a foot.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The car was nowhere in the parking lot. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

                      There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice."Are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped YOU off!"

                      Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

                      He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your bloody car!"
                      The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X