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"Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife. -
How do you handle explosive cheese?
Caerphilly."Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.Comment
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Punter : Can you give me the odds of a Green one-legged Unicorn appearing on the pitch during Celtic's opening League match against Hearts?
Ladbrokes : I am afraid we cannot offer odds on something that ridiculous!
Punter : Okay, can you give me the odds of Rangers stopping Celtic from winning 10 league titles in a row?
Ladbrokes : What colour Unicorn did you want odds on?“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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I have a terrible memory. I'd go so far as to say that it's the worst thing about me apart from my terrible memory.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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I tried a bit of finger painting yesterday.
Wish I hadn't bothered, it took me 8 hours just to do the skirting boards.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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Beyonce has just discovered that Roy Castle was really her father. Can't see her taking his surname somehow.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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I was in Aldershot earlier to-day,came across this poor man with a begging cap.He only had one eye,one arm,and one leg, and had a cardboard sign which read.
I WAS A SOLDIER FIGHTING IN THE FALKLANDS WAR.
NOW I HAVE NO HOME.
NO MONEY TO BUY FOOD.
AND MY GOVERNMENT WILL NOT HELP ME.
PLEASE HELP ME....
My heart went out to him,so I gave him £10. said,"It's not much old son,but it'll buy you some fish&chips,and a pint."
He looked up at me,with a smile from ear to ear,and said."Muchas gracias amigo."..........“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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GET more attention from shop staff by asking on arrival "Where are your most expensive and yet least secure items?"“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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My ex girlfriend had a fantastic set of Boobs!!!. However one was bigger than the other. She wasn't really that self conscious until she entered a wet t shirt contest and came 1st and 3rd!!.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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""Mayday! Mayday! I'm a blind passenger in a small aircraft. The pilot is dead and the plane is flying upside down."
Air Traffic Control: "If you're blind, how do you know you're flying upside down?"
"The tulip is running down my back!"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't existComment
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