Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I went to the doctors yesterday. I said to him ' my wife is getting headaches and not sleeping. What's wrong with her?'

The doctor replied 'she could just be run down'

So I hit her with a bus.

[vetran]

Donald Trump said, "I was elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, and not Paris."

"Sorry," he said a moment later as he corrected himself, "It's pronounced 'St. Petersburg'."

[vetran]

I made my wife's dreams come true and we were married in a castle.

But you sure wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.

[vetran]

My girlfreind suggested she wanted to have sex on a ship. Wasn't really into it but whatever floats her boat a suppose.

[vetran]

Have you ever noticed how the classiest and sexiest women in the world always seem to drive the smallest, sleekest cars.

Talking about cars reminds me. I need to arrange the MOT on the wife's Transit.

[vetran]

Who remembers when terrorists used 757's to crash them into the largest buildings in the world..

Now-a-days they're having to use grubby 2nd hand vans and hammers...

The Tory's have obviously cut the ******* terrorism budget as well...

[shaunbhoy]

I heard Apple was bringing out a new automatic car, but had problems installing Windows.

[vetran]

For PC

Went to see my job advisor at the jobcentre today she told me looking for a jobs a full time job. To which I replied drinking stella and smoking weed is a full time job. If five minutes filling in a job diary once a fortnight is a full time job to you no wonder the country's gone to tulip with civil servants like you.

[vetran]

one for our divorcees

Marriage....because your tulipty day doesn't have to end after work.

[vetran]

I wonder what Cambridge University Netball Team abbreviate their name to?