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Please put more jokes here

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    I went to the doctors yesterday. I said to him ' my wife is getting headaches and not sleeping. What's wrong with her?'

    The doctor replied 'she could just be run down'

    So I hit her with a bus.

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      Donald Trump said, "I was elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, and not Paris."

      "Sorry," he said a moment later as he corrected himself, "It's pronounced 'St. Petersburg'."

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        I made my wife's dreams come true and we were married in a castle.

        But you sure wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.

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          My girlfreind suggested she wanted to have sex on a ship. Wasn't really into it but whatever floats her boat a suppose.

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            Have you ever noticed how the classiest and sexiest women in the world always seem to drive the smallest, sleekest cars.

            Talking about cars reminds me. I need to arrange the MOT on the wife's Transit.

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              Who remembers when terrorists used 757's to crash them into the largest buildings in the world..

              Now-a-days they're having to use grubby 2nd hand vans and hammers...

              The Tory's have obviously cut the ******* terrorism budget as well...

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                I heard Apple was bringing out a new automatic car, but had problems installing Windows.
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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                  For PC

                  Went to see my job advisor at the jobcentre today she told me looking for a jobs a full time job. To which I replied drinking stella and smoking weed is a full time job. If five minutes filling in a job diary once a fortnight is a full time job to you no wonder the country's gone to tulip with civil servants like you.

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                    one for our divorcees

                    Marriage....because your tulipty day doesn't have to end after work.

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                      I wonder what Cambridge University Netball Team abbreviate their name to?

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