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Please put more jokes here

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    I'm going to start a business in India,

    but have the call centers in Scotland.

    See how those ****ers like it.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Thought I'd seen the end of the Trick or Treaters after I'd poured a bucket of piss over the last lot from my upstairs window, but, **** me, within five minutes two much older looking kids knocked on the door and got the same treatment.

      I'd love to see them explain the smell when they take those police costumes back to the fancy dress shop!
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Relationship advice

        Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

        That's the difference between me and Rick Astley I told my girlfriend.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          one for the bremainers

          A Greek, a Spaniard and a Portuguese all walk into a bar. Who pays?

          Germany.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"

            I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              sunderland football club have just turned down a £40m sponsorship deal with a leading dog food manufacturer.

              A club spokesman said having Winalot across their shirts would just be taking the piss.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Why are there so many female archaeologists?

                Because women just love digging up the past..
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  my mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner it took her 14 hours to hoover the house

                  Turns out she was a slovak.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    what do you call a Spanish painter with a brown finger?
                    Picasso.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Dyslexic IT worker.
                      Waits for a USB then 3 come at once.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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