Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car.
They get pulled over.
Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35."
Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk.
He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"

"We do now" shouts Schrodinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists. He didn't want to face the charges.

[vetran]

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig ?

The letter F ?

[TestMangler]

My local barber was arrested yesterday for selling drugs.

I was shocked, I've been a loyal customer to him for 9 years and I had no idea he was a barber.

[vetran]

Just seen MF dancing to Maroon 5......moobs like Jabba

[vetran]

I think Christmas must be near,

The binman said good morning to me.

[vetran]

Mrs V wasn't impressed

Losing your wife is hard.

Trust me, I've been trying for years.

[vetran]

bit of sexism

Women should be like golf caddies.Either holding your balls or getting the tee ready.

[LondonManc]

I bought my wife a new fridge for her birthday. It may not sound like much but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

[vetran]

for Brillo

It was an emotional wedding.

Even the Cake was in Tiers.

[vetran]

I told my wife I wanted to try anal sex....

she told me she's been having sex with an asshole for years...