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Please put more jokes here

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    My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas.

    "A penguin" I said.


    "A stuffed penguin?" She questioned.


    "It doesn't matter" I said, "cook it any way you'd like."
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      "Meetings" - what a Jamaican calls everything he owns.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        My childhood memories of Christmas are dominated by the time I sneaked downstairs one Christmas Eve and heard my mother telling Father Christmas that he was a fat lazy good for nothing drunken ****.

        I saw mummy dissing Santa Claus.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          December 23rd should be called Christmas Adam.

          Since it always comes before Christmas Eve.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            At breakfast this morning, my wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.

            I nearly choked on my #Brown
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Maybe Jesus was gay the whole time and was actually saying "Ah,Men."
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Following a back down to North Korea, Sony have now come under pressure from the Muslim community over the remake of a 1993 Tom Hanks & Meg Ryan classic using a wholly Islamic cast. It is rumored to portray Islam in a bad light according to a Muslim pressure group spokesman

                Headless in Seattle is due to open in March 2015
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I've had lots of priceless moments in my life.

                  I'm a shoplifter.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I got my wife some Bristol Cream for Christmas.

                    But she won't let me rub it on them.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      My wife just came and sat on my lap and asked me what I am getting her for Christmas.

                      That's it, the ******* beards coming off.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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