Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

When a woman says "He used me for sex".

It really means 'I only shagged him to get something else out of him, but it failed'.

[vetran]

I sidled up to a woman at the bar and said "hey love, what's your name?"

She glanced at me and said "Cath"

"Nice" I said "I love the name Catherine"

She rolled her eyes at me and said "bad luck then, my full name is Catheter"

I think she might be a piss taker

[vetran]

My girlfriend was in the kitchen cooking tea when all of a sudden a horrible whining noise started.

I thought that wasn't suppose to happen till we're married.

[vetran]

Joe Cocker has died.
I reckon the police should check out if there was a little help from his 'friends'.

[vetran]

Whenever someone plays a rap song, I have the feeling I've heard it before.

My Doctor says I've got Dre-ja-vue.

[vetran]

Why don't muslims drink alcohol?

Their women have burqas instead.

[vetran]

For Christmas my daughter said she wants loads of 'Frozen' stuff.

Sorted, peas and carrots it is.

[vetran]

It's always flattering to be told you have a nice arse.

Unless it's during a prostrate examination.

[vetran]

Pokemon - A Jamaican proctologist.

[vetran]

"A large whiskey please." I said to the barman today.

"Hang on a minute, Dave." he replied, "You promised me last night that your lips will never touch another glass!"

"Correct." I said, "Pass me a ******* straw."