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Please put more jokes here

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    When a woman says "He used me for sex".

    It really means 'I only shagged him to get something else out of him, but it failed'.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I sidled up to a woman at the bar and said "hey love, what's your name?"

      She glanced at me and said "Cath"

      "Nice" I said "I love the name Catherine"

      She rolled her eyes at me and said "bad luck then, my full name is Catheter"

      I think she might be a piss taker
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        My girlfriend was in the kitchen cooking tea when all of a sudden a horrible whining noise started.

        I thought that wasn't suppose to happen till we're married.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Joe Cocker has died.
          I reckon the police should check out if there was a little help from his 'friends'.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Whenever someone plays a rap song, I have the feeling I've heard it before.

            My Doctor says I've got Dre-ja-vue.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Why don't muslims drink alcohol?

              Their women have burqas instead.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                For Christmas my daughter said she wants loads of 'Frozen' stuff.

                Sorted, peas and carrots it is.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  It's always flattering to be told you have a nice arse.

                  Unless it's during a prostrate examination.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Pokemon - A Jamaican proctologist.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      "A large whiskey please." I said to the barman today.

                      "Hang on a minute, Dave." he replied, "You promised me last night that your lips will never touch another glass!"

                      "Correct." I said, "Pass me a ******* straw."
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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