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Please put more jokes here

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    nerds again

    I got some funny looks in Asda today when I was walking around in my underpants doing my shopping.

    I usually shop in the comfort of my own home but the bloody computer crashed.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I'm horrified to read that doctors are now advising not to drink alcohol two days running. So today I shall be walking instead
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        for the scaly one

        my wife said she would like to go back to the 1930's to see what it would be like ' so i took her to wales for the day .
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I've just been taken to Court and fined £1,000 for not having a TV licence.

          The Judge did not think 'Not wishing to fund paedophilia at the BBC' is a valid enough excuse for not having one it would seem.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            A nun walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on the immaculate conception, please?"

            "Yes," replied the librarian, "over in the theology section. Having a little refresher are we, sister?"


            "No," she replied. "I'm pregnant and I just want to make sure I get my story right."
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              If you're going to diagnose yourself with OCD, how many times do you have to do that to be sure?
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I've learnt a very valuable lesson today, as a parent.

                Pretending that you don't know your kids in public, is much easier than trying to discipline them.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  When asked what it was like getting over a Viagra addiction my buddy said,"Well my first few days were the hardest."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I was going to write a joke about sex after marriage...

                    But you won't get it.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      39.2

                      I was reading about this woman in Torquay. She lived for a whole week in a flat with her dead husband.

                      She realized he was dead just after she said, " ... and that was my day. How was your day?"
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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