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Please put more jokes here

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    I've just seen George Bush's art gallery and, to be honest, I think his portrait of Tony Blair is pretty good.

    The lies follow you around the room.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      As my flatmate Paddy headed towards the front door this morning, I said to him, "Where the **** are you going dressed like that?"

      "To Dave's fancy dress party," he replied. "I'm a tortoise."

      I said, "His party is not until tomorrow night!"

      He said, "I know, but I'm a tortoise."
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        So Peaches Geldof had 'importation quality' heroin in her home.

        When I told Bob Geldof his daughter needed a good smack, I don't think he understood.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I don't want to say its hot in my room, but two hobbits just came around and threw a ring in it...
          Join IPSE

          Comment


            for NLYUK

            I love sex with Deer,

            I'll do anything for a few bucks.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I hosted a superhero themed orgy for midgets last night.

              Still a little Thor downstairs.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                A lion, a witch and a wardrobe go into a bar.

                The barman says, "I'm serving Narnia."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Normal service is resumed

                  A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
                  For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
                  However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    How many Feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

                    Two.
                    One to get a man to change it, and the other to criticize men for inventing it.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Frank Maloney has gone from boxers to knickers.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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