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Please put more jokes here

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    Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?




    To be sure, to be sure.
    {emotionless greeting}

    Three Word Slogan

    Comment


      A man walked into a restaurant in Barcelona.

      He sees a chap tucking into the largest meatballs he's ever seen and asks the waiter about them.
      "Ah, sir," replies the waiter, "our speciality; they are the result of this afternoon's bullfight; cojones del toro. You have to order and pay the day before."
      "Very good, I'll have them tomorrow please," came the reply.

      Next day, the man walks in, is greeted and seated, and eagerly awaits his delicacy. The waiter walks out with what turns out to be a disappointing platter.
      "Waiter, what is this? I've seen bigger meatballs at Ikea!"
      The waiter shrugged and said, "sometimes the bull, he win!"
      The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

      Comment


        "Doctor, is it possible to get tennis elbow from other sports, " I asked, showing him my painful elbow.

        "Yes of course, tennis is just a given name, of all the patients who suffer from it, never actually played tennis," he explained.

        "Oh that's good to hear, I sighed, I was actually watching women's beach ball when it happened!"
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          What's the difference between Sickipedia and Jesus?

          Sickipedia actually came back from the dead.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            For AssGuru

            People reckon I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              It was Sally from Accounts' last day at work today, so I told her I would let her suck my cock as a leaving present.

              Turns out it was my last day at work as well.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                A psychiatrist is giving a talk at the local at the local community centre on how the frequency of sex is shown by the look on some ones face. The first man he approaches looks really miserable, "You sir I can tell that you have sex maybe once a year" to which the reply was "Yes". Next he went to a man who had a slight smile on his face "And you sir I would say you have sex once a month, am I correct" again the answer was "Yes". Next a man who had a slightly larger smile. "Now tell me sir, you probably have sex once a week" Again the answer was "Yes" next he came to a man who had the biggest grin you have ever seen, "Now I bet you are an everyday man, am I correct" "No" said the man, "Just once a year", "Then why the big grin" he asked...."Because tonight's the night"
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

                  "No more headaches?" the husband asks, ''What happened?"

                  His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat "I do not have a Headache;
                  I do not have a headache,
                  I do not have a headache.."
                  It Worked! The headaches are all gone."

                  The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."
                  His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that ?”

                  The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

                  His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"
                  The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back.."

                  He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
                  Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying.

                  "She's Not my Wife.”
                  “She's Not my Wife.”
                  “She’s Not my Wife.”

                  His funeral service will be held on Friday.
                  The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                  Comment


                    For Brillo

                    My ex-girlfriend told me she's bought a vibrator that's an inch bigger then me.

                    "I've never seen a vibrator that's 6ft 1 before"!
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      For NLUK

                      A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
                      "Twenty bucks," she says.
                      He's never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a police officer.
                      "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
                      "I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.
                      "Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."
                      "Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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