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Please put more jokes here

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    The England team is like Taylor Swift,
    new man in, all sounds promising, out on his arse after 2 months. She'd have a song about him out by Friday.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I bumped into an old mate today.
      He said, "What you up to these days?"
      I said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, druggies, piss heads and down 'n' outs."
      He said, "So you work in a charity drop in centre?"
      I said, "No, I'm a chef in a Wetherspoons pub."
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Would the National Anthem be considered as Country Music?
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          It was Bazza the Scouse smackhead's 18th birthday, so his mum and dad put £50 in his nan's purse for him.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            My sex change operation from male to female went really well yesterday.
            It was so successful, I'm still trying to reverse out the f**king hospital car park!
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I was in a shop yesterday and saw a fire blanket for sale.
                I thought, "That's ******* pointless, fires are warm enough as it is."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Sam Allardyce takes his next training game with the England squad when he notices a dog turd on the pitch.
                  He shouts out, "Who's tulip on the pitch"?
                  Wayne Rooney shouted back, "I am boss, But I'm still the captain....
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    For NLYUK

                    "Give it to me!" she yelled
                    "I'm so f**king wet, give it to me now!"

                    She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella to myself.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I asked my boss if I could leave half an hour early the other day.
                      He said, " Only if you make up the time."
                      I said, " OK. It's 35 past 50."
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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