Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

The England team is like Taylor Swift,
new man in, all sounds promising, out on his arse after 2 months. She'd have a song about him out by Friday.

[vetran]

I bumped into an old mate today.
He said, "What you up to these days?"
I said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, druggies, piss heads and down 'n' outs."
He said, "So you work in a charity drop in centre?"
I said, "No, I'm a chef in a Wetherspoons pub."

[vetran]

Would the National Anthem be considered as Country Music?

[vetran]

It was Bazza the Scouse smackhead's 18th birthday, so his mum and dad put £50 in his nan's purse for him.

[vetran]

My sex change operation from male to female went really well yesterday.
It was so successful, I'm still trying to reverse out the f**king hospital car park!

[vetran]

I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

[vetran]

I was in a shop yesterday and saw a fire blanket for sale.
I thought, "That's ******* pointless, fires are warm enough as it is."

[vetran]

Sam Allardyce takes his next training game with the England squad when he notices a dog turd on the pitch.
He shouts out, "Who's tulip on the pitch"?
Wayne Rooney shouted back, "I am boss, But I'm still the captain....

[vetran]

For NLYUK

"Give it to me!" she yelled
"I'm so f**king wet, give it to me now!"

She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella to myself.

[vetran]

I asked my boss if I could leave half an hour early the other day.
He said, " Only if you make up the time."
I said, " OK. It's 35 past 50."