Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

Lots of people in my meditation class have complained about the teacher so now he has been referred to the ommmmmmmbudsman.

[WTFH]

*Enter New Password*


PopeyewithnoSpinach



*Password is not strong enough*

[WTFH]

It’s my wife’s birthday in a couple of weeks and she’s been leaving jewellery catalogs all over our house.



So I've taken the hint and got her a magazine rack.

[WTFH]

I opened 3 birthday cards yesterday and I feel so grateful for all the money I received.


Being a postman has such great perks.

[WTFH]

I feel so lucky to have my sheepdog because good ones are hard to come-bye.

[vetran]

one for Warty:

I walked in the pub with my missus and the barman said, "Punching above your weight there aren't you, pal? Where did you find her?"

"I met her in Thailand," I replied. "We're due to get married next month."

"You don't want to get married," he said. "That's when the blowjobs stop."

"I don't mind that," I replied. "I hate giving them to her
anyway."

[vetran]

I've had a brilliant idea, where illegal immigrants have to hunt down child molesters for a chance to win citizenship.

It'll be called aliens vs predators

[WTFH]

The Verve are playing a gig at our dilapidated village hall.


It will have to be an acoustic set though, because the plugs don't work.

[WTFH]

Today someone told me I am average.



I told them that’s just mean.

[ladymuck]

Jimmy Choo used to be called Matt Choo but changed it because he was sick of everyone saying "pitchu?" whenever he introduced himself

An alternative...

[NotAllThere]

I'll never date a mime again, they're just too quiet in bed.

Oh, but the skillful hands!

[WTFH]

My bear's diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me.




The vet says he's getting better but he's not out of the woods yet.

[WTFH]

"My wife keeps mistaking me for Alice in Wonderland characters."


"Are you mad at her?"


"Oh no, not you too".

[vetran]

Jimmy Choo used to be called Matt Choo but changed it because he was sick of everyone saying "bless you" whenever he introduced himself

[vetran]

The wife said it's not working between us and she's leaving me.
I said "Why what have I done".
"Well for starters you're always telling stupid jokes and puns".
"And for the main course"?