Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Christ, it's hot.



I'm sweating like the crew on an Alec Baldwin film set.

[vetran]

for warty

My premature ejaculation is getting that bad, the girlfriend has to take the Morning After pill the night before

[WTFH]

Just written a compilation album of cat vomit noises.



I'm calling it Now That's What I Call Mewsick.

[WTFH]

I call my wife 'her indoors' because she looks like Jim Morrison.

[NotAllThere]

Where do gardeners go to retire?


Barrow-in-Furness.

[vetran]

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my wife walking down the aisle towards me.

My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.

It seemed to take an age, but eventually there she was, stood beside me.

I gave her a cheeky wink and said,

"Get that trolley over here love; they're doing three cases of Stella for the price of two!"

[vetran]

I tried donating blood today .

Never Again!

Too many stupid questions.

"Who's blood is it?"

"Where did you get it from?"


"Why is it in a bucket?"

[WTFH]

I tried donating blood today .

Never Again!

Too many stupid questions.

"Who's blood is it?"

"Where did you get it from?"


"Why is it in a bucket?"

KUATB

no, really,

KUATB

[vetran]

i never realised how perverted some estate agents are, only the other day whilst browsing through some photo's of houses the male assistant offered to show me his semi, i tell you, i was out of there before you could say " has it had a dampcourse"...

[vetran]

I once bought a pair of work boots from my Uncle Mick.

He was a superstitious sort, said they were haunted. Bargain.

Soon after I bought them, weird things started happening.

I would find muddy footprints in the house, as if they had been walking.

I would find scuffmarks on the floor as if they had been dancing.

But what made me mental was when it spoke to me about wanting to see Paris.

I rang my Uncle Mick to finally tell him what I'd witnessed.

"Yeah mate" he said. "They have soles".