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Please put more jokes here

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    I'm opening a beauty salon exclusively for Dwarves.

    Go on, treat the missus to a minicure.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      one for LM

      There's a lot of murders in my neighbourhood but the rent is cheap.

      That's why I keep murdering people in my neighbourhood.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        When Ray Davies of the Kinks was at University, he had a tendency of visiting the library and taking out books on pornography.......

        He was .....ahem....... an educated borrower of passion....
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          They claim Saudi Arabia's Neom city will be carbon neutral.
          Probably because they deduct the potential carbon footprint of the workers who die during the construction.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I was attacked by a Mime Artist yesterday, the bastard did things to me that were unspeakable.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I like my women the way I like my North Sea oil reserves.
              Light sweet and crude
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                The "CAP" in "Energy Price Cap" is about as much use as the "CONTROL" in "Take Back Control"
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

                Comment


                  Look, I’m all for women’s lib and all that political correctness crap, but when is MEN’s football coming home?
                  {emotionless greeting}

                  Three Word Slogan

                  Comment


                    '...Do dentists call their x-rays

                    Tooth pics?'
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I couldn't undo the buttons on my jumper so tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck.



                      I’m now sitting in A&E waiting to see a cardyologist.
                      {emotionless greeting}

                      Three Word Slogan

                      Comment

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