Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I'm opening a beauty salon exclusively for Dwarves.

Go on, treat the missus to a minicure.

[vetran]

one for LM

There's a lot of murders in my neighbourhood but the rent is cheap.

That's why I keep murdering people in my neighbourhood.

[vetran]

When Ray Davies of the Kinks was at University, he had a tendency of visiting the library and taking out books on pornography.......

He was .....ahem....... an educated borrower of passion....

[vetran]

They claim Saudi Arabia's Neom city will be carbon neutral.
Probably because they deduct the potential carbon footprint of the workers who die during the construction.

[vetran]

I was attacked by a Mime Artist yesterday, the bastard did things to me that were unspeakable.

[vetran]

I like my women the way I like my North Sea oil reserves.
Light sweet and crude

[WTFH]

The "CAP" in "Energy Price Cap" is about as much use as the "CONTROL" in "Take Back Control"

[WTFH]

Look, I’m all for women’s lib and all that political correctness crap, but when is MEN’s football coming home?

[vetran]

'...Do dentists call their x-rays

Tooth pics?'

[WTFH]

I couldn't undo the buttons on my jumper so tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck.



I’m now sitting in A&E waiting to see a cardyologist.