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Please put more jokes here

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    For Tescos

    Bit embarrassing, at the supermarket checkout I managed to pull out my donor card instead of my debit card. Cost me an arm and a leg.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      When I asked my Gran what she wanted for her birthday, she replied, "The best present I could ask for is to be surrounded by my friends." Well, we've just got back from the cemetery and she doesn't seem too happy.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Elton John, David Furnish and Justin Bieber are walking down the street when Bieber trips and gets his head stuck in some railings.

        'Quick', says Furnish, 'run back to the house and fetch some butter!'

        Elton replies, 'Nah, I'll just spit on my cock.'
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My uncle got struck off the medical register for sleeping with his patients......

          ....... shame, he was a ******* good vet .
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Dress Shopping

            Get your own back on your wife.

            Take her out for a drink. In the pub look at all the drinks available, say "I like that beer but I'm not sure" then take her to another place without buying a drink. Repeat this at 7 different pubs. Then go back to the first pub and buy the first beer you you saw.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Why did my girlfriend cross the road?
              To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three hours ago.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Definitely for Scooter

                Why do Scotsmen have blue cocks?
                Because they're tight fisted winkers
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Muslims , Mexicans and the Chinese to talk about..

                  I bet Prince Phillip can't wait for the state visit of President Trump.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    For Scooter again

                    Last month I got a bill from the taxman so straight away I wrote back not known at this address, this morning I got a reply back.

                    Ok Mr McDonald what address would you like to be known at?
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      For many posters

                      That Rhiana is a really evil person;

                      she's responsible for millions of deaths in my old sock...
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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