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Please put more jokes here

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    Just met a charming transvestite from the Manchester area.

    He had a Wigan address.
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

    Comment


      Yes, that bloke who invented the invisibility cloak had his 15 minutes of fame, but where is he now?
      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

      Comment


        I asked a landscape gardener to give me a quote on design.
        He said he couldn't help me 'cos my garden is portrait.

        Comment


          Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”
          -
          “No”, she replies sleepily.
          -
          “I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!”
          -
          Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”

          Comment


            Our neighbour's dog shat in our garden, so the missus told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence...

            I don't see what that solved, we've still got dog tulip in our garden and the neighbours now have our shovel.
            “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

            Comment


              Nicola Sturgeon is seeing a fortune teller.

              Concentrating very hard the fortune teller closes her eyes and says "I see you going down a large street, in a car with the top down, and people are yelling 'Hurrah!' "
              Nicola smiles and asks, "So, the crowd is happy?"
              "Oh yes, like never before!" "And are the people running behind the car ?"
              "Yes, they are all around the car, they are going daft! The police are having trouble clearing the way and controlling the crowd !"
              "Are the people carrying flags?"
              "Oh yes, Scottish flags and banners with words of hope for a better future."
              Really, and the people are yelling and singing?

              "Oh yes, the people are yelling out messages of hope, that everything will be better now!"

              "And me, how am I reacting to all this?”

              "I can't see."

              "Why?"

              "The coffin is closed..."!!
              “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

              Comment


                I can’t believe it’s pancake day!!!
                It’s just creped up on me
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

                Comment


                  There's confusion over the correct scientific term for the side of an elephant.

                  Apparently it's a bit of a grey area.
                  {emotionless greeting}

                  Three Word Slogan

                  Comment


                    Who understands Roman Numerals?

                    I for one.
                    {emotionless greeting}

                    Three Word Slogan

                    Comment


                      I asked J.K Rowling about Harry's Father


                      She thinks it's James Hewitt as well
                      {emotionless greeting}

                      Three Word Slogan

                      Comment

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