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Please put more jokes here

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    My ex-girlfriend used to get me to pretend to be Robbie Williams in bed. And through it all, she offered me protection.
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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      There once was a fairy,
      Called 'Nuff'.

      fairy nuff
      Entropy is NOT what it used to be.
      Inertia, however........................

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        UNSETTLE new neighbours by saying 'I'm surprised anyone moved in after what happened here' then lay flowers by their front gate.
        “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

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          Teacher: Name ten animals that come from Africa.


          Little Johnny: Six Zebras and four Lions.
          I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
          Hands... out infractions
          Face... the music
          Space... between the ears

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            I've just been uninvited from a friend's wedding.

            Apparently RSVPing "Maybe Next Time" wasn't an acceptable response.
            I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
            Hands... out infractions
            Face... the music
            Space... between the ears

            Comment


              Me: I love star wars movies
              Friend: What's your favourite line?
              Me: Probably "aaaaarggh...Luke ya scurvy dog, I am yer fartha"
              Friend: Sounds like a pirate copy
              “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

              Comment


                I CAN take my girlfriend's bra off in 8 seconds. Or sometimes more quickly if she comes into the room and catches me wearing it.
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                Comment


                  I was at a job interview today.
                  The interviewer said to me, "On your CV, it says that you are a man of mystery."
                  I said, "That's correct."
                  He said, "Would you like to elaborate?"
                  I said, "No."
                  “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                  Comment


                    Deter burglars by leaving three bowls of porridge on the table whenever you go out.
                    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                    Comment


                      I've just spilt glue on my autobiography.
                      Well that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
                      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                      Comment

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