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Please put more jokes here

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    So far this week I've put 8 wine bottles, 3 gin bottles and a whiskey bottle in the recycling. My neighbour has only put in one wine bottle.

    These people need to do more recycling, as sometimes I feel like I'm the only person round here doing anything about it.
    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
    Hands... out infractions
    Face... the music
    Space... between the ears

    Comment


      The current Mrs BP said that she doesn't need a man for anything.
      When she went to bed, BP sneaked into the kitchen and tightened every jar and bottle in the cupboard.
      I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
      Hands... out infractions
      Face... the music
      Space... between the ears

      Comment


        Do you know who I blame for the rise of drugs in schools?

        The supply teachers.
        I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
        Hands... out infractions
        Face... the music
        Space... between the ears

        Comment


          06:30 is the best time on a clock

          Hands down
          I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
          Hands... out infractions
          Face... the music
          Space... between the ears

          Comment


            I was about to make a belt made from watches until I realised it was a waist of time.
            I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
            Hands... out infractions
            Face... the music
            Space... between the ears

            Comment


              Originally posted by WTFH View Post
              The current Mrs BP said that she doesn't need a man for anything.
              When she went to bed, BP sneaked into the kitchen and tightened every jar and bottle in the cupboard.
              And these days she gets elder bp son to open them. Oh yes - I forgot - this thread is for jokes. I expect some WTFH joke infraction points later. I think if I get another 5 he changes the bullets from rubber to real?

              Comment


                Doctor: "The x-ray shows a golf ball sized tumour in your stomach and we need to operate immediately."

                *after surgery*

                Doctor: "Why didn't you tell us you swallowed a golf ball?"
                “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                Comment


                  Tried to sign up to a website the other day.

                  I put my password as “beef stew” but it said password wasn’t stroganoff.
                  “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                  Comment


                    The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for golf" said the friend.
                    "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
                    As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
                    "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!"
                    .

                    Comment


                      Just bumped into my mate 'One armed Dave'...
                      I said "where you off to fella?"
                      "I'm off to change a light bulb" he replied.
                      "That's going to bit a bit awkward eh?"

                      "Nah" he said .... "I've still got the receipt."
                      “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                      Comment

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