Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

Saturday morning Brillo got up early, quietly dressed, made lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. He got on his bike and started to ride into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so he came back in, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

He went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. He cuddled up to his wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
His loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out cycling in that?"

I think the punchline is great

But I take all the attention I can get.....

Only just noticed you changed cycling to fishing in your post then edited my correction.

Do feel free to edit this post too.

Maybe I can ask NAT to change both posts back?

[BrilloPad]

A Merc Driver picked up a hitchhiker. The hitchhiker was thick(insert name of CUK poster you hate here - probably me).

They got talking and the driver wanted a laugh. So they told the hitchhiker that the Merc Symbol was used to aim at pedestrians.

They tried this out. The driver swerved at the last moment. But the pedestrian went flying.

The driver was inconasolable! "That has never happened before".

The hitchhiker said "I could see you were going to miss. So I opened the passenger door to help you".

[WTFH]

A Merc Driver picked up a hitchhiker. The hitchhiker was thick(insert name of CUK poster you hate here - probably me).

They got talking and the driver wanted a laugh. So they told the hitchhiker that the Merc Symbol was used to aim at pedestrians.

They tried this out. The driver swerved at the last moment. But the pedestrian went flying.

The driver was inconasolable! "That has never happened before".

The hitchhiker said "I could see you were going to miss. So I opened the passenger door to help you".

Do you want me to edit your post to say “cyclist” rather than pedestrian?

[BrilloPad]

Do you want me to edit your post to say “cyclist” rather than pedestrian?

Yes please! I love getting mods to do unnecessary work. Though they sometimes ban me or worse give me billions of infraction points.

Sorry I could not find the joke online so I had to type it up. I should have spent longer to make it funnier. I could not be bothered......

[WTFH]

I want to marry my native American girlfriend in Las Vegas. But she has reservations....

[WTFH]

What's invisible and smells like carrots?

Rabbit farts.

[WTFH]

I walked past a building site and a man hammering in nails called me a paranoid weirdo, in Morse code

[WTFH]

What's green and wears checked trousers?

Rupert the Snooker Table.

[WTFH]

The Wife (tm) was fuming when I told her I had bought a theatre.
She said are you having me on ?
I said I’ll give you an audition but can’t promise anything

[WTFH]

Yesterday was a bit of a strange day for me. First I found a hat filled with money, then I got chased by some bloke with a guitar.