Please put more jokes here

[Diver]

I went parachuting last week for the first time. we got in the air, They strapped me to this other guy and told us to jump. as we fell the guy shouted "So how long have you been a parachute instructor"

[WTFH]

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

[WTFH]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

It turns out "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" is not the right reply.

[WTFH]

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

[WTFH]

Saturday morning Brillo got up early, quietly dressed, made lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. He got on his bike and started to ride into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so he came back in, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

He went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. He cuddled up to his wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
His loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out cycling in that?"

[BrilloPad]

Saturday morning Brillo got up early, quietly dressed, made lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. He got on his bike and started to ride into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so he came back in, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

He went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. He cuddled up to his wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
His loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out cycling in that?"

I think the punchline is great

But I take all the attention I can get.....

[WTFH]

Username: Dangerzone
Password: F00tLoo$e

Kenny's Logins

[WTFH]

A DPD driver just asked me the time.



I told him its between 8 and 12

[NotAllThere]

I took a pee in the deep end of the pool today, but the lifeguard spotted me. When he blew his whistle, I was so surprised, I nearly fell in.

[NotAllThere]

The physicist Jim Al Khalili OBE, FRS, FInstP, PhD, pH14