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Please put more jokes here

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    I went into a grocers the other day and asked for half a pound of tuppenny rice and half a pound of treacle. I don't think the weasel in the grocers was too happy.

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      Back in school days there was an unlucky guy in the class called Steve Smells.
      He used to get picked on and bullied all the time.
      He said that when he grew up he would do something about it.
      True enough, he did, and he changed his name. Now called Jane Smells, she’s learned how to put on her own makeup properly
      {emotionless greeting}

      Three Word Slogan

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        Honeymoon period. Unfortunate.

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          My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall by Oasis. I said maybe

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            I tried donating blood today.
            Never again! Too many questions!
            ”Whose blood is it?”
            ”Where did you get it from?”
            ”Why is it in a bucket?”
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

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              Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
              Honeymoon period. Unfortunate.
              Someone's been watching Mock the Week
              I did a stroll around Windsor on 2 Oct for Alzheimer's Society. You can chuck me a few quid here if you like: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/lmallen-1

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                I've got a Microsoft Advent calendar this year, if you have too many Windows open at once it crashes for no reason
                Originally posted by Stevie Wonder Boy
                I can't see any way to do it can you please advise?

                I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.

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                  I once ate the stone of a plum
                  And I feared it was stuck in my tum
                  But the following day
                  I was feeling okay
                  When that stone re-emerged from my bum

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                    Prayer for the Tender Greens

                    I’m sorry God, I cannot love
                    that slimy thug,
                    the common garden slug.

                    Dressed all in black,
                    those homeless snails
                    profane my path
                    with blasphlegmous type trails.

                    When delicate and fragile flowers
                    grow closer to their final hours,
                    who goes ahead and pulls the plug?
                    Slime’s figurehead: the slug.

                    I must confess, en-route to pub,
                    I’ve accidentally squished those slugs;
                    their entrails putridly erupt
                    like something Beelzebub’s chucked up.

                    I beg you God, please send a plague -
                    slug pellet rain
                    ‘til no more slugs remain.

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                      I constantly worry that my holiday resort designs are over-engineered. I must have a complex complex complex.
                      The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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