Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

I went into a grocers the other day and asked for half a pound of tuppenny rice and half a pound of treacle. I don't think the weasel in the grocers was too happy.

[WTFH]

Back in school days there was an unlucky guy in the class called Steve Smells.
He used to get picked on and bullied all the time.
He said that when he grew up he would do something about it.
True enough, he did, and he changed his name. Now called Jane Smells, she’s learned how to put on her own makeup properly

[BrilloPad]

Honeymoon period. Unfortunate.

[BrilloPad]

My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall by Oasis. I said maybe

[WTFH]

I tried donating blood today.
Never again! Too many questions!
”Whose blood is it?”
”Where did you get it from?”
”Why is it in a bucket?”

[ladymuck]

Honeymoon period. Unfortunate.

Someone's been watching Mock the Week

[SimonMac]

I've got a Microsoft Advent calendar this year, if you have too many Windows open at once it crashes for no reason

[mb31]

I once ate the stone of a plum
And I feared it was stuck in my tum
But the following day
I was feeling okay
When that stone re-emerged from my bum

[mb31]

Prayer for the Tender Greens

I’m sorry God, I cannot love
that slimy thug,
the common garden slug.

Dressed all in black,
those homeless snails
profane my path
with blasphlegmous type trails.

When delicate and fragile flowers
grow closer to their final hours,
who goes ahead and pulls the plug?
Slime’s figurehead: the slug.

I must confess, en-route to pub,
I’ve accidentally squished those slugs;
their entrails putridly erupt
like something Beelzebub’s chucked up.

I beg you God, please send a plague -
slug pellet rain
‘til no more slugs remain.

[LondonManc]

I constantly worry that my holiday resort designs are over-engineered. I must have a complex complex complex.